I am blogging about the word stress as it is the emotion I feel at the moment.
Take "The X factor" for example . Hype. Hype. Hype. I can't begin to imagine the levels of stress that surrounds that show, not just for the finalists giving it their all to win on the huge glossy stage performing in front of millions...but for the people who sit backstage buzzing around computers and LCD screens without stopping, to ensure everything flows smoothy. I can't imagine how intense that must be, getting everything exactly right...& you're live on air.
My friend's uncle is the technical director for the x factor, and wow do I salute you.
Today I haven't felt great. Tetchy is more the word. I'm tired, thats why. Its my own fault 'cause I don't go to bed until the early hours of the morning...and it's midnight now. I just can't seem to get to bed early.
I don't like feeling like this, I get things wrong, I react to everything so sensitively...part of being over tired I guess.
Today has been so bloody boring. Did absoloutley nothing, so earlier on I decided to escape the house and walk Max. It was around 4:30pm..just around the time it goes dark. The sunset was beautiful as always, and it was freezing but It was almost like I wanted to be cold...to be refreshed. The feeling of walking over frozen grass is unusual but so very wintery. Speaking of winter and frost, where is this darn snow they keep going on about? I hate the metrocenter sometimes, they dont have a clue where shropshire is and they just forcast everything for London or whatever...they said we would get snow this week but nothing happened.
I've realised I do need to stop worrying about every stupid little thing. Not that I didnt realise this long ago...Its just so hard to stop. Whenever I feel unsure , I will worry about it. Whenever I feel I have done something wrong, or upset somebody (even if I havent) I will worry. Its part of being me and I hate it, I need to stop stressing out...It does no good for me.
I remember when I had to admit to not being able to swim at the age of 10 in front of my class, and it really really got to me. I did do the lessons but was so worried about it, people seeing me in a swimsuit and that. In the end I did manage to do my 200m , and all that worrying was for nothing really. I try and put my worries behind me, and think to myself "its never as bad as you make out to be" ...that seems to calm me. But honestly, If I could change ...the first thing would be not to worry so much.
Blogging helps cure stress? Does it?
[Rachel he loves you, dont be so hard on yourself......I love you ...I love you.... I love you ... :)]
Im going to a christening tomorrow for baby Finlay. Starts at 10am in the morning and will have to leave the house at 9:30 *cries*. I cant be bothered and after we're going to the swan at forton and having a carvery, and I have work to do and ARGH STRESS.
>.< I want him to hold me, I want it to be Ok, I want him to be here now <3
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